This is a slightly modified version of a letter I wrote and emailed to Congressman Ro Khanna’s office after reading a Bluesky post of his where he claims to support the “department” known as “DOGE”, or the “Department of Government Efficiency.” I hope you are doing the finger quotes as you are reading them, because I am doing them as I am writing them.
Because I doubt Congressman Khanna’s office will read the email because I am not his constituent, and because I have an extremely high ego and think I am incredibly smart and wise (even though I am dumb and stupid, and also lazy,) here now is that letter for you to read.
Congressman Khanna:
I do appreciate your efforts to reduce wasteful government spending. Really, I think it is respectable for anyone to take on that hydra. What can I say? I have a soft spot for martyrs.
But your recent comments about working with Elon Musk’s and Vivek Ramaswamy’s DOGE (a.k.a. the Department of Government Efficiency, a.k.a. the Department of Godforsaken Excrement) are downright confusing. You claim to have been successful in cutting costs before. In fact, in this post, you link to an article in which you scored a $16.1 million refund for the federal government. You did that without the help of any external department, but according to the article you had the backing of Democrats in the House Oversight Committee and Republicans on the Freedom Caucus. That’s bipartisanship in action, Congressman; the very ideal to which Democrats bow, or so I’ve heard!
So why now turn to this suspicious pseudo-governmental department to stick their nose into these affairs? I heard Senator John Fetterman also parrot pride for working with DOGE alongside praises of Elon Musk. The Senator is a middle-of-the-road Democrat, and therefore I’m not too surprised to hear that he’s decided to cozy up to the right wing once again. But I thought you were somewhat progressive, Congressman. What happened? Did someone give you a little wink-wink nudge-nudge? Did you get too close to Nancy Mace when you shared the stage with her at that talk a couple of weeks ago? I’m glad you blasted Mace for her transphobic and hateful comments, but I also would have taken a chemical shower after that event, Congressman.
I will be real: I don’t trust the unelected so-called “leaders” or teams behind “DOGE” more than I can throw them, and I can barely throw a baseball. Musk, Ramaswamy, and all their ilk will continue to push farfetched ideas which will never fly, and worst case scenario, any hackneyed plans of theirs which slip through the cracks to the President-Elect’s desk will cause this country serious grief. The only reason Musk and Ramaswamy have any position in government is because they stood behind their man through the 2024 election, pushed his “stolen election” story regarding the 2020 race, and agreed to shape the world in his image like some golden god. These men seek the mercy of the hand of their so-called King, Congressman. If you grovel to them, you grovel to him. Is that really the vibe you want to give off?
Besides, do you actually think the galaxy brains behind “DOGE” will use their newfound “department” to truly benefit the nation? Come on, Congressman. They will abuse their privilege in order to strip away regulations and governmental bodies that impede upon their abilities to make a larger fortune. If I’m a betting man, that’s where I’m placing my chips. Watch as this nation’s infrastructure crumbles because the public money set aside for repairs has gone into the pockets of the heads of private corporations, who claim it will “trickle down.” You were a kid during the Reagan era, Congressman, and I was not even a thought in the world, but you and I both know how that turned out for America, right?
Congressman, we do not need a “DOGE” to help curb government spending, and we do not need to massage the egos of those who are so giddy to run it and run the country into the dumps. I hope you will reconsider your willingness to work with Musk and Ramaswamy. My only guess is your intent is to band together a group of congressional misfits to meddle in their affairs and make their “department” of “efficiency” inefficient and unsuccessful. Otherwise, I warn you they will abuse your trust and collaboration and make you and all other willing participants out to be chumps.
Regards,
Will Sisskind