I haven’t done much writing here. The last many posts have gone over the Southern road trip, and since then I’ve had a good deal of work, bachelor party planning, and other day-to-day errands to get through. Plus now there’s a war on, so there’s another little chestnut. With all that said, here’s a post I had in the bin for a few weeks that I meant to put up. It’s about nothing terribly important, but maybe it’ll be a nice distraction for you.

Over the pandemic I inhaled a good amount of content related to RuPaul’s Drag Race, as one does, and Becca and I finally got around to finishing up RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 13 and All Stars Season 6. While I love getting to see new talent and fresh drama on Drag Race, All Stars gives me a chance to see old familiar faces, legends of their seasons, and queens who quite frankly should have had a better shot at the crown. With Season 14 on air now, rumors are swirling about the next season of All Stars and who will once again traipse into the Werk Room for a chance at drag glory.

The biggest rumor is that the seventh season of All Stars will feature only previous winners from the show in a competition billed as RuPaul’s Drag Race Superstars. However, I put little faith into this idea, mostly because I don’t like it. I would love to see suspected queens Jinkx Monsoon and Monet X Change back on my screen, but they’ve already won their prizes. A “best-of-the-best” competition is one thing, but it ain’t All Stars, honey.

Because I have watched a great deal of Drag Race in such a short time frame, and because I am nothing if not thorough with my interests, I went through every single season of Drag Race and thought about which queens I’d like to see return to the mainstage on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 7.

Season 1

See, I think All Stars has chosen to focus on new queens, and for good measure. When the competition began in 2012, Drag Race Season 1 contestants like Shannel, Tammie Brown, and Nina Flowers were not strangers to the audience. Even in All Stars 3, BeBe Zahara Benet was still a familiar face. Ongina has enough notoriety to have been a good pick for All Stars 5. But we’re ten years past the first All Stars, and thirteen years from the beginning of Drag Race as a concept. Can you bring back queens who haven’t graced the All Stars stage yet? Would anyone recognize Jade, Akashia, or even Rebecca Glasscock at this point?

I think that All Stars could absolutely bring back Nina Flowers or Tammie Brown for another try at the crown. But my true choice for a Season 1 queen to compete on All Stars 7, despite any obstacles in her way, is Victoria “Porkchop” Parker. She’s watched so many finales, been part of so many pivotal moments in the show’s history, and enjoyed such infamy from the show that no victory can provide. Give her another shot at the crown. She deserves it, if she wants it.

Season 2

Although they’ve already competed on All Stars, Raven and Tatianna are the two strongest candidates for returning to the series. I also think Jessica Wild could represent the season, having rocked the All Stars 6 runway as a Lip Sync Assassin. Barring all of these choices, fuck it: Just bring Jujubee back if she doesn’t win UK Vs. The World. Fifth time’s a charm, right? Sixth? Seventh? Give her the crown already. I love Jujubee. Just let this Boston-based queen have her moment! Christ!

Season 3

We’ve already seen the Season 3 queens who have the drag to compete with any gumption on the All Stars stage: Manila, Yara, Alexis, Shangela, Mariah, India, Mimi. I think Carmen Carrera could be a fun returnee to the competition, or maybe even Delta Work. But if Shangela is up for another go, I’m sure the show would love to see how she would interact with some newer queens. But you know who I really want to see on the All Stars stage from Season 3? Stacy Layne Matthews. I think it could be really fun.

Season 4

The stronger Season 4 queens have made many appearances on All Stars. Chad Michaels was the first entrant into the Drag Race Hall of Fame, Latrice Royale has appeared on two different seasons, and Phi Phi O’Hara and Jiggly Caliente have each appeared on one season. So it seems like no other queens from Season 4 would really fit on the All Stars stage. However, I think if the show called back Willam to compete, it would be a burying of the hatchet of sorts. It’s no secret that Willam’s breaking the rules and subsequent criticism of the show production has created bad blood. But it’s been long enough, and Willam is a legend in Drag Race lore. It would be interesting to see her have a chance at glory again.

Season 5

How did All Stars 6 choose Serena Chacha over Ivy Winters? How has Ivy not strutted her stuff on the runway since she left the show in 2013? Like Seasons 3 and 4, I feel like we’ve seen all the strong queens from Season 5, but we’ve also seen some queens that gave me pause. And yet we haven’t seen Ivy! She was a real contender! She’s a Miss Congeniality winner! Give her a shot at All Stars fame. I bet she’ll fare a lot better than some of her other Season 5 colleagues. (No offense to Coco Montrese.)

Season 6

Again, lots of strong queens from this season have appeared on All Stars. You could argue that Courtney Act or Darienne Lake could come back to take on the competition, as they made it far into their seasons. However, I think one queen from Season 6 in particular should have a chance at All Stars 7: Laganja Estranja. Laganja has grown so much since her season, and seeing how she slayed as a Lip Sync Assassin on All Stars 6, she could easily blaze her way to the top of the pack.

I know that Adore Delano won’t return to Drag Race as a contestant in any form, but I love me a messy Libra queen, and it would be so good to see her really give the competition her all. I know, pipe dream, but still.

Season 7

Season 7 has a lot of winners, runners-up, and Miss Congenialities: Violet, Trixie, Ginger, Kennedy, Katya. But what of Miss Fame? She was such a fun personality and I’d love to see what she brings to All Stars. However, my real pick for All Stars 7 is Pearl. She was an underdog in the beginning of her season, but she overcame self-doubt and all the odds to make it to the top three. I for sure think she could put up a good fight in All Stars, as she was already doing pretty sickening stuff on the runway back in her time on Drag Race.

Season 8

It is a shame that Kim Chi hasn’t come back to fight for a place in the Drag Race Hall of Fame. She’s one of the most followed queens on Instagram, has a massively popular cosmetics line, and was serving some of the most incredible looks on her season. I mean, if All Stars can bring back Derrick Barry, what’s stopping them from having a real contender on the show? I said what I said!

Plus, not for nothing, the Hall of Fame does not yet have an Asian-American queen. Kim has a clear shot at that title, although a few other queens who I’ll name later in this list could also put up a good fight.

Season 9

It’s tough to think of queens from Season 9 who could appear on All Stars. Sasha, Trinity, and Shea all have their crowns, Peppermint has her acting career, and Valentina, Aja, and Farrah have all made their All Stars appearances. I think if the show wanted to bring back some queens who haven’t seen the main stage in a while, they could bring back Alexis Michelle. I would have also suggested Nina Bo’nina Brown, but recent comments from that queen still have me feeling a little cold against her.

But you know what, if the producers wanted to have some fun, they’d bring back Austin legend Cynthia Lee Fontaine. She forever has my love. Once more should she and her cucu grace the stage.

Season 10

I know Kameron Michaels just appeared on All Stars 6 as a Lip Sync Assassin, but so did Laganja. Why not bring them both back? Besides, Kameron showed survival skills during her season of Drag Race, making it to the top mostly because of her lip syncing skills. It would be interesting to see how she’d fare in a competition where the privilege of lip syncing comes from winning challenges, not from losing them. No shade!

There’s a queen from Season 10 who I think should appear on All Stars 7, but we didn’t see much of her until the next season. You know her. You love her.

Season 11

Miss Vanjie. Of course, Vanessa Vanjie Mateo is the clear choice to bring back for All Stars 7. No question. But if Vanjie chose not to come back, Plastique Tiara could serve looks or Nina West could bring the jokes. It’s just that Vanjie does it all, and she would make for real interesting competition on the All Stars stage.

Season 12

There are so many queens from Season 12 I would love to see back on the main stage. Of course, runners-up Gigi Goode and Crystal Methyd could return to take the crown. The middle of the pack – Heidi N Closet, Widow Von’Du, Jackie Cox – were all strong contenders as well, and could totally put up a good fight. But you know what? If the show wanted to throw everyone for a loop, they could bring back Aiden Zhane. “Boo!”

Let’s face it: All Stars 7 will have a lot of queens from the more recent seasons, and Season 12 has a wealth of good talent. Jan in All Stars 6 was just a taste., and y’all saw how far she went.

Season 13

Like I said with Season 12, All Stars 7 has so many queens to choose from in the latest seasons, and Season 13 is no exception. Kandy Muse will definitely get a second shot at glory. LaLa Ri will want to have a portrait in the Hall of Fame to go with her Miss Congeniality award, and she’ll want redemption for her bag ball look. You could also bring back Olivia Lux, Rose, or Tina Burner. And let’s face it, even though Utica sowed bad blood, she could come back to try and redeem herself in more ways than one. I may have my reservations, of course, but I don’t think that Utica dug herself into as deep a grave as, say, Sharon Needles, Sherry Pie, or Tyra.

Season 14

I’ve seen some spoilers, and from what I know, I think Kornbread “The Snack” Jete will get the call back if they don’t decide to pull a Eureka/Vanjie and save her for Season 15 of Drag Race. But since the season is still so fresh, and it’s still any queen’s game, I’m going to keep my final lineup (see below) limited to the first thirteen seasons. We’ll see how things change when Season 14 ends and a new drag superstar has her crown.

The ideal All Stars 7

Given all of the above, here’s who I’d pick as the thirteen contenders to vie for the crown, scepter, and portrait in the Hall of Fame for All Stars 7:

  • Victoria “Porkchop” Parker (Season 1)
  • Ivy Winters (Season 5)
  • Laganja Estranja (Season 6)
  • Pearl (Season 7)
  • Kim Chi (Season 8)
  • Kameron Michaels (Season 10)
  • Vanessa Vanjie Mateo (Season 11)
  • Plastique Tiara (Season 11)
  • Heidi N Closet (Season 12)
  • Jackie Cox (Season 12)
  • Widow Von’Du (Season 12)
  • Kandy Muse (Season 13)
  • LaLa Ri (Season 13)

What do you think? Gagged? Gooped? Leave a comment. I crave the tea. Anyway, back to my hole where I will dabble in playing music in Second Life and hoping that, you know, nuclear armageddon doesn’t start any time soon.